I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just had sex on a roof
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
