It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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