need another drink. this is the easiest way
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
