Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.

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(440): View more from Ohio

last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.

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(206): View more from Washington

Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?

(206): View more from Washington

Adult decisions.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.

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(281): View more from Texas

I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone

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(206): View more from Washington

Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.

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