why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
