He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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