I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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