Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
