Where did you get a picture of my penis
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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