the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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