It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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