the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
