Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
