it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
