five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm really busy with my period
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