She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
