I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
