Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
