we have pet lesbian snakes
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
