Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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