Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
