Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
