this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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