Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
