So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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