I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
