I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
