at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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