? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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