We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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