that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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