I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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