also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Acid is not a monday night drug
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
