Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
