its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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