im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
