take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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