i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
