If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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