its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
