Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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