Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
