Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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