I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
