Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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