Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
