I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
