I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
