I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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