im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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