apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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