Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
