My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize