I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
