The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
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