It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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