You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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