i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
