This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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