So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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