Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
