Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just had sex bonerless
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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