i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
